my mind and my heart
wander off the beaten path;
retrospect willfully what i have never put into writing
words i won't acknowledge, feelings i dare not validate.
my mind swirls in the thousands of possibilities and what ifs of life and the truth is
i am haunted by them;
visions of how i thought things could be
echoes which beat against the way things are.

my mind thinks back on one and a dozen others;
replays meticulously each emotion and aspect;
each gut response;
the moments of ecstasy and intimacy;
and the reactions at departing;
sometimes left floating
sometimes left empty;
sometimes- questioning--
each an experience, each an attempt;
never truly completed.

a menagerie,
the faces-
appearances matter not when i close my eyes;
i remember everything in the darkness;
what did she say?
One pair of arms is like another...

No, it's not true;
every set is different;
and some have never even been felt
nor touched in the slightest-
it's just-
echos.

like chasing particles in the sunbeam;
like
becoming lost amidst the fall of leaves
awaiting under summer rains.

i wish i had the words to espouse;
what is a kiss,
linger upon the sensation of lips meeting
of the feeling of the blush rising to the cheeks;
the entire body enveloped in warmth and
sacredness;
be it urgent and present or lingering, lazy-
continuing in these thoughts only damages me;
a single pin point in a universe of thoughts which are always churning and spinning
like an anchor place where i can find the safest harbor.
the memories still batter me;
but hope is an audacious bird
and nests deeply where he cannot be routed from;
despite the storm.

words leave, life presses forward
as i press forward;
there will be a day for this too;
in amoungst the somedays.