Leave me a comment with "SRS BZNS - WHERE'S MY MARGARITA" in the subject line.

I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can get to know you better.
Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

 These questions were aked to me by childdoll :

1) You stumble into Charlie's Warehouse. You can take out ANY 1 item.   What item do you want?

Charlie was an 'Orphan' in our Mage LARP here in NYC about four years ago, for those not in the know.  Her Warehouse was a node warped by her father's experiments with Time and Memory control.  There was a deep sub-basement that was filled with things that were lost, sorted by simple identifiers, some as complex as specific names and places, others under things like 'little girl in the red jacket.'  Shipments arrived while people were sleeping on loading docks that were long out of use; jars of buttons and pennies; boxes of toy parts and half of sock sets.  If i could go into her Warehouse and recover anything i have lost; i would find the happy little girl i used to be and restore her to the life that she deserved.  And if that is too metaphorical; then i would take back my Popples and my Rhinokey Wuzzle which my family threw out while i was in college; the only stuffed animals i have ever lost.

2) If you could make a gown from things impossible  to sew together to actually make a dress, what would you make it out of?

The Milky Way.  I would use the mist that encircles the full moon to make a scarf and the night sky as a long trailing dress.  I would wear the rings around Saturn as bracelets and Jupiter's moons would be my pearl necklace.  I would make Pluto the stone set in my ring and I would marry the Man in the Moon in a blazing tuxedo of sunlight.  We would rule the heavens, constantly chasing each other across the sky and all eternity.  ^_^

3) If you could suddenly become an expert at anything, what skill or  knowledge would you choose?

Architecture- and not like, how to build a tree house.  Like the female equivalent of Frank Lloyd Wright.  So i could build my city of concentric circles, immaculate landscaping and super efficient green housing.  Like the Goblin City in Labyrinth meets the Shire from Tolkien; combined with the efficiency of Anime-futuristic Tokyo and the classicism of Art Deco and the Victoria Age.  ^_^  So pretty. 

4) Which fictional world would you most wish  to travel to?

Fantasia.  Cause that was to me always the first and still holds the most special place in my heart.  I wanted to be Bastien or Moonchild so badly- ^_^

5) If someone were to make a drink in your honor, what would it be called and what would it include?

Wow, well, it would definitely be called 'the Monster' and i think that of the things it _must_ contain, Blue Curacau, Grenadine, Marachino Cherries and Sloe Gin are amoung them.  Then it ought to combine as many alcohols as the container it is served in can hold: tequila, rum, vodka, fruit-schnaps, whiskey- it would be a huge congomeration of as much random stuff as possible and hit the person drinking it like a cracked out Mack Truck driven by a crazy zombie.  O_O  yep.  it would taste like wonderful and in the morning you would wonder if you were Jekyll or Hyde the night before. 

Dear God;

Please let me come into my fortune soon so that i can buy a huge piece of property and begin saving Greyhounds.  Amoung other things.

Sincerely;
Miss Monster

six strips of bacon
on high heat
until they really start sizzling
and change from that meatish brown to
a deeply cooked ruddy rust--
but not browned
half way between flopsy and crisp.
Add onions, long thin chunks
like half
and half again.

two cloves of garlic
ground pepper
sizzle
until the onions and the oil are
so close in colour you might mistake one for the other.

add the rice
and
brown in the skillet
two minutes, roughly. 
overbrowning the rice in the oil makes it impervious to the water
but browning the rice a little will give a toasted flavor that
cannot be matched.

add recommended amount of water
substitute a third or so for beer, if you like-
combine into oven safe dish

i threw in corn, fresh tomatoes, black beans and
a few pieces of cheese-

bake on 400 for about 25 minutes
uncovered
and
enjoy.

Lasts forever
generally delicious
really hard to mess up.

oh.
i also added some eggplant in tomato sauce i had left over--
an unusual touch for a paella-like dish.

I am surprised that i haven't seen any heartfelt posts about the passing of Michael Jackson;
tho probably if i looked beyond my own friends page i would find more.
((Apparently my friends have been waiting for me to write about this, so, how can i deny them?))

I think my first cognizance of who he was and his significance blossomed from watching MTV as a child;
it was the MoonWalker movie that captured my heart
and i think the first video of his i can remember seeing was Beat It.
Thriller is amoung my top 10 favorite songs/videos ever and a huge inspiration for me both for the make-up and choreography-
Captain EO (and the 'making of' film showed on the Disney Channel) was also a key factor in creating the
Dream Engineer i claim to be;
seeing what they did and the magic that occurred around Michael Jackson is
irresistible to a child like i was
and
though i was young and didn't understand it at all
perhaps he was my first celebrity crush.

I do know that MoonWalker is one of a prime reasons i have never really been tempted by hard drugs
no matter how wonderful people describe them to me as being. 
((Was it because the message was good or because the trauma of seeing MJ turn into a space ship?  i don't know...))

Songs like 'Smooth Criminal' and 'Billie Jean' are etched into my memory-
the videos for Beat It, Bad, Scream-- all of them- still cause me to stop if they are on
i still turn up the radio when i hear them--

I am not one of these people who gets terribly emotional at the death of a celebrity
but for some reason i kept finding myself getting really farklempt at the thought that
he is really gone-
i suppose i had entertained the notion of one day earning enough money that i could have afforded a ticket to a concert he may have been performing or something- that one day i would meet him and be able to impart in some small insignificant way how much his involvement in certain projects inspired me.

We can never know the full truth behind this inspirational and tragic figure
if he had done what he was accused of with those boys;
if half the stories about his eccentricities could be believed-
and i try to only take his music for what i like of it.
He was always soft spoken
and his efforts have been some of the most sensational and generous, being in the book of world records not just for his music
but also for his philanthropic leanings, donating to over 39 different charities, more than any other celebrity on record.
He helped spur AIDS/HIV awareness with his friendship to Ryan White and the countless fundraisers and song sales--
his music bridged a gap between many genres of music, becoming the first African American 'King' of a musical genre
(Jazz, Rock and others were all claimed by white men)
i am sure that his estate and his children will be in the public eye for years to come-
and i still hope that wherever he is
he is finally free of his personal demons and
in a place where he is happy and no longer burdened by anxiety and the stresses of being
one of the largest cultural icons the world has ever known.

Michael Jackson, larger than Pepsi or Coke;
Stranger than Fiction
Beloved of many-
Gone now forever;
in his own words;
Gone too Soon.

I am going to go download Moonwalker and put together a Youtube playlist of his videos
maybe i can scrounge up a copy of Captain EO and then i will even watch that too.

Rest in Peace Always Michael;
you've touched our lives and our hearts
the world would be a different place if it had not been for you.

;_;

Monday after work last week i flew on the trains as fast as i could to Delanco;
there the truck was waiting to be loaded and so after a Home Depot trip and some dinner;
we continued the process already begun. 
we kept loading well into the night
i cannot remember now how late it was that we got to sleep;
but since Origins told us we couldn't have the room until 11:30 wednesday night
we decided to head out after the morning rush instead of before it.
The drive should have been about 8 hours but we took it in 12;
and when we finally got into Columbus we began the long process of unraveling the truth with the event space.

We managed with the help of the convention's LARP staff to get the room about 10 hours earlier (even tho they stole 36 hours of it from us)
and they even wrangled up volunteers to help us set it up.
Set up went well and late into the night, it was about 4:30 or so by the time i was forced/guilted to abandon the efforts to those late comers
still drilling and building-
and thursday awoke zombie-like for the first runs.
i spent most of my con in the event;
i managed to get to see the dealers room (poor pickings, we lost so many vendors!)
and the art show (so small!!!  is Origins dying?)
and i did snag a new t shirt for my pin-up girl collection.  Some stickers and a poster too.

thursday after the event i had dinner with everyone; went back to help work on the set before getting a drink at the Bar and
promptly heading to crash in my bed at the hotel. 
Friday's runs went smoother, but by the end of the day i thought i was going to die. 
i didn't go to dinner and despite several really considerate gestures
((stressmint bought me a sammich. invited me to come drinking))
i remained unconcious. 
i overslept a little for the runs on Saturday morning--
Saturday was the best day in my opinion;
the plot was finally nailed down
the morning crew was efficient and of the runs we had
these were all the most full.
Origins Con staff took over the 3pm run and i got to watch the event play out
and man, it's awesome.  It makes me wish we were running it longer or had had more time to set up
and volunteers come down to Jersey in the build weekends to have made it to a larger scale.

As always, i win at Cthulhu when in the Sweet Haven game i had to save my town by calling the Deep Ones
and a mini Cthulhu to take care of the outsiders who were increasingly causing drama and
suspicion of our happy little cult.
i resurrected all the dead into new worshippers and
got to wrap them in the snuggly snuggly embrace of Cthulhu.  Woot!
Sadly at the game, two girls had their purses stolen
which dampened the night drastically
and we got late to the bar and
i had to leave for my flight home at 5am anyways;
so i went up to the room to pack and
said my goodbyes and
walked down to the airport car.

i got onto my little hampster and rubber-band plane
and woke in the clouds. 
When i woke again, we were landing.
like a zombie i went thru philly and trenton from train to train
until meeting up with my sister Lisa
and continuing on the line to Middletown.
My brother Dan's graduation party was filled
with relatives and friends and family
and so much food---
and i realized that i left my keys in my luggage which was left behind in Ohio
to be taken with the things that were coming back to NJ.
we worked out getting my sister back to long island
and i came in to work this morning on the bus.

i am pooped,
exhausted
and can't wait to sink into bed tonight
watch some tv and
maybe snuggle
some cats and pretend they were mine own.
in the meantime, perhaps i should focus on staying awake at my desk;
ne?


this weekend was a learning experience--
ups and downs and rounds and rounds.
if i recall or am so inspired, i might write more...
once Paris and Birthday pics are up, Origins pics will follow.

*love*

my mind and my heart
wander off the beaten path;
retrospect willfully what i have never put into writing
words i won't acknowledge, feelings i dare not validate.
my mind swirls in the thousands of possibilities and what ifs of life and the truth is
i am haunted by them;
visions of how i thought things could be
echoes which beat against the way things are.

my mind thinks back on one and a dozen others;
replays meticulously each emotion and aspect;
each gut response;
the moments of ecstasy and intimacy;
and the reactions at departing;
sometimes left floating
sometimes left empty;
sometimes- questioning--
each an experience, each an attempt;
never truly completed.

a menagerie,
the faces-
appearances matter not when i close my eyes;
i remember everything in the darkness;
what did she say?
One pair of arms is like another...

No, it's not true;
every set is different;
and some have never even been felt
nor touched in the slightest-
it's just-
echos.

like chasing particles in the sunbeam;
like
becoming lost amidst the fall of leaves
awaiting under summer rains.

i wish i had the words to espouse;
what is a kiss,
linger upon the sensation of lips meeting
of the feeling of the blush rising to the cheeks;
the entire body enveloped in warmth and
sacredness;
be it urgent and present or lingering, lazy-
continuing in these thoughts only damages me;
a single pin point in a universe of thoughts which are always churning and spinning
like an anchor place where i can find the safest harbor.
the memories still batter me;
but hope is an audacious bird
and nests deeply where he cannot be routed from;
despite the storm.

words leave, life presses forward
as i press forward;
there will be a day for this too;
in amoungst the somedays.

The guy in the middle here; is my new hero.  LOL  I love these competitions:



((the guy holding the golden bowl on the right with the woven beard took best in show, i think mostly because it was held in Alaska and he may have been the only resident in the contest.))  More pics here

Silly, i know, but totally awesome.  ^_^

my chocolate cheesecake definitely got et;
and the sunny day is still turned to rain;
so someone start singing the song again-

The cake had purple icing on it!  ^_^ they didn't even plan it, it just came that way.

complications with the Hotel and Origins;
apparently the hotel that owns the space we are supposed to be in
is saying that they have their own event in the space
on the two days we were promised for set up
and
they are trying to bump us into a space less than half the size;
nevermind that the new space is smaller;
but it is not in the center strip of events at the con;
it's not near anything
we would have to reduce and completely rework our set
and considering how much extra money was sank in just to get the set done by
Terrorwerks Head Command;
it's a total slap in the face.
This hotel better pony up some serious cash reimbursement for the losses of moving our space
or better relocate whatever crap meeting won't be done until 11pm the NIGHT BEFORE THE CON
argh
how much of an idiot does the event coordinator have to be to do something that is clearly such a dick move?
Did they not talk to the con organizer about the scale of our event?
do they not get that well more than half of our expenses this year was planning for filling such a huge space?
i am besides myself with lividity. if lividity is even a word, if it ain't, well, then i am Freaking Livid!

i hope it gets worked out cause, uhm, we've got four days to go here people.

O_O

amazing.  tsk tsk. 

Work's blocked access to all music listening sites. 
Not Fair.
maybe i should see if the invalid wants to work today?
(invalid = broken ipod in desk drawer with the cracked screen)

survey says;
outlook cloudy; try slamming it around a little, it's already busted so you can't do much worse, ne?

i am perhaps sometimes not the sharpest pencil in the cup.
I had this big umbrella which seemed to work against the rain
and
since it had been covered in silver paint markers
i decided to paint over it
completely blissfully ignoring that i had primed the paint with a drying retardant
and
when i used the umbrella today
the paint reactivated and
went everywhere-
so my new sundress is now
tye dye fodder.
There is a huge purple blotch on the side front of the bottom edge, and while it is passable at work
the thing is still ruined until i can make a clever fix.

my mind left sometime last week i think and
refuses to properly function.
i think it is all the rain.

i liked the rain this morning;
i do love the sound of it and i am sure that it is keeping NYC cool
and not stifling hot
but the humidity factor just sucks
and
it doesn't look like today will be salvaged at all.
i suppose someone who uses imber as a nickname can't complain too much about the rain.

it has been so nice to have an excuse to paint;
i can't wait to get home and get my hands back in it-
tho i should pop over to the dollar store and get some small containers with lids. 
While my paint isn't bad, it is old and it looks like some of the colors will need to be mixed well with water
to get to a consistency for sign lettering. 
I can't find my good lettering brush
so i have to use one of the smaller brushes
and it will add more time onto the project than i had thought.
the mixing cups will make it easier;
the signs are already cut and i have art tape to make them look authentic.  Pictures will eventually make their way;
prolly once the signs are installed on the set.

I woke up late for work today;
lingering late into the night as if time weren't a thing
today at work i feel light and unanchored-
what is sleep when one has inspiration?
but haha, i have to be more careful about getting up when my alarm wants me to.

work now;
Mishka later

O_O

No rest for the Wicked!

So;
i let the second dough sit in the fridge for a few days before taking it to toppings.
i should have wrapped it in plastic wrap;
but yes
dough will stay good about a week in the fridge.
i stretched it out and heated the oven to about 150;
turned it off
and
let the dough sit in the warm oven
while i
grated a cuppa romano cheese;
sliced a tomato really thin
as well as
a red bell pepper
a purple onion;
cooked some bacon and shredded some shishkebob'd chicken.
once all the toppings were ready i removed the slightly risen dough and
topped it; finishing with some grated cheddar
cooking for 25 minutes on about 450
and then about 5/10 on top broil

^_^
another huge success.
the finished crust wasn't too soft or undercooked
was more even than the first thin crust attempt
and
clearly pre-rising definitely helped.

tonight i have my leftover fish and rice from sunday dinner-
and the rest of this week and into next i will have to be particularly clever;
but i have the mind and the means.
Mom bought two big stock pots to me this weekend
so i am gonna haul out some frozen soup i made and
see if i can turn it into a big tasty black bean soup
to while away the rest of the week.
it's important now to conserve as much as i can;
i have to just let the autopayments riddle my account until they've had their fun
and see what remains in the dust
until the 26th.

bleh.

making massive progress on my projects
tonight i will wrap up another one
and be that much closer to done and done.
Origins, so soon!!!  yay!!!

My review;
despite some serious mistakes
was still one of departments top reviews, a 3.5 of 4.
Once the raise percentages are approved;
i will get the specs on what i can expect;
we are guessing that with the times it might be about 3%;
which is i guess like 60 cents an hour.
((this same score last year would have netted me 6.5%))
it will bump me up tho
i won't say no to more money
however slight it is.

what a relief;
how silly of me to ever have doubted myself.

^_^

speaking of the poor;
i realize that i will be utterly broke for origins;
between all of my bills and the materials i need to buy tonight.
i will have a little bit of money on friday of origins, but it means that tuesday, wednesday and thursday
i will either be hungry and too proud to beg
or reduced to accepting food on the generosity of friends.
i hope that neither of these things comes to pass;
that perhaps i will have some grace in the overlap of my Cable bill vs my pay date.

i have to be careful not to get ahead of myself with these projects
and i am lucky i have most of what i will need already.

one hour to go.

So i have been writing something this morning and it falls very much in alignment with the Op-Ed column in the times today;
Too Poor to Make the News
by a woman named Barbara Ehrenreich;
who wrote the social study "Nickel and Dimed"
an amazing story about how she left her family and home for a period of time to work as a minimum wage empolyee
and see if it really was a livable wage
a book which is humbling,
to realize just how bad the 'working poor' have it.


Here is what i was writing just before i read the article:

The distinction between Socialism and Destitution; aligning ourselves to be more functionally human than to fall further into the Moral Depravity that the vacuum of great revelations has left.

First there were the great arguments of Science, breaking mankind away from the tangled tendrils of the control of religion; Science killed God long before Nietzsche recruited anyone to wear black. God in a sense, for some people; some people chose to reinvent God, to cling to old beliefs, to follow new gods or goddesses; to follow the god of self, to follow no god or man; basically, to figure out what best worked for them. But in the gape of the changes, as the world was slammed with industry and war; with democracy and fascism; with communications and technologies that moved faster than it could; life exploded beyond the fathomable control of the future; or, the present, as we now know it.

Here we are; having arrived in an age where technology, science and the focus of the public are so sharply honed by tools such as the internet and engineering that it now stands to be that the possibility of feeding, clothing, housing and insuring every single person in the world is possible. And don’t say that it is not, because you would be lying to yourself. The truth is, the technology exists; the only reason it hasn’t been done is as varied and sundry as all of the different people in the whole world.

Let me speak on example. Americans consume, massively. Doctors recommend that Americans wisen up about the portion sizes and the way to keep an active metabolism. If we reduced our demand to levels that were to where the recommended serving sizes are; if we take all the resources dedicate to over producing meat and pumped it into producing grain and vegetables, we could farm enough produce to end world hunger. That’s been true since the 80s. That’s not even advocating Vegetarianism; that’s just common sense.

Other reasons and examples range from the selfishly tight control of wealth from the lesser, wealthy population. In other cultures entire revolutions have risen up to strip these people down and decapitate them when the circumstances of the poor became so impoverished that to see others live in such luxury amidst it was unbearable and intolerable any longer. Such a small populace controling such a large portion of the wealth of nations; failing to compensate those on the lower scales of their industry in a manner such that it ever allows them to rise above such meager means. If a CEO is making four to five hundred times what an entry level person is making; where does it balance out? How can they afford to live in the same cities, and as such, why aren’t the rich more inclined to philanthropy? Why aren’t they giving more away to help make the world a better place to live in while they are still alive? Bill Gates could end world hunger and supply the world with healthcare. He could send millions to college, he could house innumerable people and he could create millions of jobs to build said houses; all around the world. He’s even said “just give it away” to his fellow minorities. If I had millions of dollars, I would open hundreds of soup kitchens, creating jobs, plumping the economy and feeding the hungry. If I had his wealth, I would end world hunger and nakedness; like some kind of cosmic linchpin in the verses taught to me as a child; the sentiment to ‘feed those that are hungry, and clothe those who are naked’ being the essential guideline as to how to treat another human being.
These principles might seem socialist, but I feel it is the obligation of those who have to help provide for those who have not. It is their duty as the ones who have been able to be successful; not to say that they personally have to make the hard work and effort of it themselves, but that they should be setting the examples to the decree. As such, the people know it, and elect into government someone whom they believe will also help extol that kind of open handed generosity. But I am sad to report that the fonts have not quite yet been turned on. A wealthy man or woman may expect every luxury in life, while millions of children die for the cost of what might be a coffee or snack to these people; they could fore-go one jet trip to feed whole nations; one marketing campaign to educate and cloth entire populaces.

Where do we start to demand the trickle down? When do we get to establish the kind of world that the majority of people desire? We don’t spend time thinking about the atrocities of our moral negligence because it is uncomfortable, or because we say we cannot do anything about it or change anything about it but it is clear that it is something we all would wish to see happen. Instead, companies that could win our loyalty simply by acts of great generosity pollute the world with ads, videos, lights and exposure; we are suffocated by the junk surrounding us, glutted on products and convenience while there are still developing third world countries that are desperate for our compassion and help.

-------------------------------------
i am glad that i am not the only person whose thoughts turn towards this topic; and this authoress has long garnered my admiration for her reporting. i had hoped to touch upon healthcare as well as food and clothing; and housing; unspoken rants of that building houses creates jobs and houses people at the same time; how healthcare should be a right and not a benefit; and how teachers, humanitarian workers (Firefighters, EMS workers, first responders, 'volunteer' type jobs), public works and police officers should be paid more for the risk and taxation their jobs provide. Someone who saves children and grandmothers from fires should totally be making more than that snubnosed prick who just depleted your portfolio so that he could afford a yacht he never uses. Seriously, you would think you wouldn't have to explain such reasonings to people, but the elite rich have a sway over the media and the republicans try to cry socialism when anyone who isn't 'out for number one' tries to implement a system where truly no one is left behind.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

an hour and fifteen until my review. Ugh, i just want it to be over....

wow;
i don't think i can summarize this weekend;
but it was full of the most delightful things-
childdoll 's surprise shower was epic in it's awesomeness
and on Sunday my family surprised me with a visit from my younger sister
down from Boston.
i guess they met traffic and ran later than they hoped to get here
so we had a quick dinner and
then she was off again
still,
it was a wonderful surprise and i am so glad that
we were all able to
chaotically
have dinner together.

while my parents dozed on my couches
i feebly attempted to show them my paris pictures
:-(
man, i stayed awake thru dozens of slide shows-
i guess they've seen everything tho
so
whatever.

i fell asleep twice after they left
before i finally went to bed
and today i have my review
and
most likely my department birthday party
(chocolate cheese cake from Jrs?)
and i will be happy to have my cake.
my review;
well,
i have made several mistakes this year
and i am not anticipating a raise
i am sure as it was they had cuts
and
i will simply be happy to agree to try harder
and not let my anticipation of something
overcome my sense of priority.

Origins is close now;
i have some shopping to do on my lunch and after work
i need batteries-
i realized that i am going to have to leave a bag with PST
because i can't take certain things on the plane back with me
like the livewire suit dress/jacket
haha, pictures to follow once it has been completed.
i think the tricky part is if i can embroider a DASI logo
with the wire onto the front of it.

O_o
o-O
^_^

i think i am going to make a 'DASI <3 HAL!' graffiti sign;
and see if i can knock a few of those out onto some paper at the event.

i am so excited.
;-)

i have to remember what other costumes to bring-
and i have to pack my bag on sunday.

schlepping all this stuff down to way south jersey is going to = suck
but
don't care;
terrorwerks will be terrific.

right-o; back to work...

omigod
what is with craigslist today and all the available kittens?

no emily, you cannot get a cat!!

*sigh*

but we wants one precious....

a name came up in the news that reminded me of
a childhood watching PBS shows
always prefaced by a blue title card which read that
whatever awesome show i was about to see what supported by a grant
from the Helena Rubenstein Foundation.
All these years and all those awesome shows and i never actually looked into who
she was.

She was a make-up mogul;
like Elizabeth Arden and Estee Lauder;
and i wonder if it is any coincidence that my most creative job to date
was as a make-up artist.

Sadly, the cosmetics are only available in other countries;
she doesn't appear to have any stores in the US.
even if it was Henri Bendel or some other upscale department store
i would have at least liked to see how her make-up holds up against the powerhouse of Lauder;
tho currently i am addicted to the high coverage and light weight of my
sephora finds.

Sometimes i really miss the make-up counter;
i miss spending time applying colors and giving beauty advice to women;
maybe this fall when after i know when my night courses will be i will
look into part time artistry;
and this time, take more pictures too.
i would love to work with MAC or Make-up Forever;
we'll see.

^_^

So i halved the dough tuesday night
and sadly
i really do need a pizza stone if i am going to continue making bread
as the thin bread doesn't work on the cookie sheet/broiler pan.
first i layered down large piece shred Parmesan cheese;
half of my mostly cooked bacon bits (i mean, they were cooked enough, but i like mine crispy)
i then shredded by hand some rotisserie chicken leftovers
and did some fine slices of garlic, purple onions and vidalia onions;
i used some thyme that i dried when i got my apartment (a gift from my coworker, arwengalen )
and some left over tomato slices from my birthday party dinner;
and
then sliced a Fugi apple into circles
and topped it all with some shredded extra sharp cheddar.

the thin crust, aside from the flopsyness
was
perfect
and
delicious;
and the bread was a huge success.

tonight i am gonna make pasta;
i have the remnants of the burgers au poivre from my birthday dinner;
butter and cream and peas and some pasta
and cheddar;
so i might make a sauce and enjoy the deliciousness.
i still have half the bread dough
which i will have to cook
and can freeze then for next week.
i have garlic, chicken bacon and onion for it
as well as the cheddar-
half the apple and
banana peppers-
i can already smell the tasty!

i am excited
for lunch today;
i have maple smoked turkey on turkish bread with some lettuce and olive oil mayonnaise (which i am trying for the first time)
tho i wish i had remembered the peppers and pickles when i made it this morning-
or had time to cut the onion
but i will tonight
and into next week.
i think on monday i am going to make all my work-week sammiches;
bring them in all at once so i don't have to worry about them.
i would like to find a spigotted glass pitcher
that i could brew iced tea in while at work;
and i need to dedicate more attention to providing myself with healthy work snacks.

i find that when i am able to be in my apartment in the mornings i work
i am more hungry for breakfast
and lunch;
that i don't feel hungry when i get home from work
and am okay into the night with just some light snacks-
i eat less
and that is my true goal;
a regular diet
of good things
and not processed things.
not spending so much every day on lunches and dinner-
making my food stretch.

i also have to build up my baking skills so i can bake
delicious things that are low in glucose and carbs and
high in fiber and protein.  (meat muffins!  LOL! (actually, one of the first things i ever made was meatloaf in individual muffin cups, i think i was 8 or 9?))

i have to stock up on hard sausages/salamis;
hard cheeses
olives;
acceptable crackers;
tins of smoked fish, salmon and tuna;
and other things i can turn into light snacks.

i am kind of bummed;
my job is cracking down on eating at our desks.
i can't stand sitting alone in the lunch room
even if it is just to eat my sammich and then return to my desk
i hate letting people see me so solitary;
it just reminds me of hearing people snicker at me my whole life
for being so unable to make connections with people;
kids at school would use mock-pity
'whats wrong Emily? haven't got anyone to sit with?' and
i hate feeling objectified like that-
like i am so pathetic for my quiet unusualness.
while the people who made my life miserable are no longer here;
her friends still are
and i will never feel comfortable letting them see me always by myself.
it has to be the most ridiculous thing ever
but i can't help it-
and for many other reasons too.

i think i am going to try to keep having lunch at my desk;
i'm clean about it
i don't leave a mess out
and
everyone else can just bite me.

bleh.
ok
back to work!

Dear God;

Please help me find a solution for a kitchen table
that won't cost me arms and legs
and will be sturdy enough to craft on.

-Emily

a triple espresso latte and i am still drowsing at my desk.
uhg
i need sleep...

*sigh* it is going to be a long while before that happens.

i saw the Hangover last night;
hah, i haven't laughed or enjoyed a nonsense movie to that degree since
Role Models
and
i think the movie had a lot of subtle things that made it timeless.
The thing i liked the most was that the actors weren't
headliners
whose egos might have taken from the humor;
one of the things i can no longer stand is Will Ferrel;
sure, he's a funny guy who has made me laugh many times
but the fact that he plays himself in every single movie these days
just
grates on my nerves.
Adam Sandler at least _tried_ to cover a broad range of humorous personalities
and serious ones as well;
even if in many of them he seems to play that same kind of
'himself' persona in his early films.
I think tho the thing i liked most about Hangover was that
they didn't make the few 'cheap' styled jokes (of the many jokes/situations present) too strongly emphasized or over referenced (some movies have dozens of 'nut-shots' or some kind of repeat vulgar humor
that just goes on and on until it's not funny);
there was a sampling of the gamut of toilet and potty humor
but none of it was so emphasized or blatant enough to be boring-
the laughs mostly came at the shock of the absurdity;
the sort of
"WTF was that?" reaction
followed by laughter at just how comical such situations can be.
i don't want to spoil anything with specifics
but seriously
if you just want to escape from taking everything so serious
and see a movie that's like
tropic thunder meets fear and loathing;
i highly recommend the humor of
The Hangover;
it will have you laughing despite yourself.

The message of the movie i think
and there was definitely a subtle one
was not to take anything too seriously;
something we often forget in our information saturated lives.

speaking of serious lives
i have a short list of things to do before Origins;
stencils for the jumpsuits;
marking the bank bags
finishing the Tek signage
DASI's costume
and
packing;
after work next week is going to be dedicated to it.
wow
it's almost here!
i work Monday the 22nd and then i am gone until the following monday.
I can't wait to be there;
to be setting up and getting ready;
it's exciting; i heart this con so hard.

it sucks to be loosing 18 hours of pay;
but teh loss bumps me below my current tax bracket
so i think i will still come out ahead;
besides
it won't effect the paycheck i have to pay rent from.

I will probably loose pay too for Gencon;
but i don't care much;
these few rare instances when i get to be untethered from real life
and work these fantasy things
is where i shine
i pray one day we get sponsorship or picked up and
i might be able to forge a meager lifestyle
doing these kinds of events.

I am almost sorted through my Paris pictures, i know i have been promising them
but i think between us we have close to 1400 pictures to choose from;
many of mine need some cropping and adjustment
and i want stressmint to watermark his
so that he can be credited for where they will appear in my galleries.
We have at once such a similar eye and
such different focuses too;
where we might have the same image of something
like Alexander's Bridge;
he'll have horizon vistas while i have
a shot of each of the sides of the columns that line the bridge;
while he might take a street shot
i zoom in on the fruit stand full of colors;
where he got whole buildings
i got the expressions on the myriad statues that limn the decor;
it's cool to see the comparison.
Sadly, in the last few days
i gave up taking pictures
and just pointed things out for him to capture
since he had by far the superior device.

i also have birthday shots to put up of my magical adventure;
yes, that post was serious and not just
the aftereffects of whatever drugs it appears i could have been on.
((i wasn't most assuredly.))

tonight is Up;
tomorrow who knows
and friday after work i get to do the train dance;
seriously, i should get an award for how well i use public transportation.

a part of me wants to talk about the big 3-0;
about life goals and the aching place inside where i am empty
but the other part of me says
we're 30 now;
it is time to rout out the old
and plant the new;
and i know my somedays are coming.
i would speak to it more personally, i think
if it weren't for the misinterpretation factors;
i would hate for anyone to think i was targeting them
for what i perceive to be my own failings
i know i use this journal perhaps more openly than many
and that people can be frightened of such openness;
especially before they take the time to get to know me.
we'll see, in time.  maybe i can pen something more eloquent when i have
a quiet moment
in the still of the night.

anyways, i probably should work-

*love!*